


the ghost of you

by Relvich



Category: Danganronpa ∅, FanganAcademy Discord Roleplay
Genre: (if you squint?), (to the tune of i abandoned my boy) i hurted my boy...., Alternate Universe, Dubious Consent, Fangan Ronpa: Fangan Academy, Ghost Sex, I am so sorry, M/M, Necrophilia, Nonbinary Character, The Ghost Motive, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Fingering, kind of? he's little a bit dead. not as a treat, so uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:22:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23456218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Relvich/pseuds/Relvich
Summary: The dead tell no tales, but sometimes, if you listen (or even if you don't) they sing you to sleep.(Or: your dead boyfriend comes back to haunt you in the most literal sense, and you don't have the strength to deny them anymore.)
Relationships: Chun Meilin | Merlin Chun/Gotake Gakuto (Fangan Academy)
Kudos: 6
Collections: Round 2: Danganronpa: Deus Ex Machina





	the ghost of you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mutableMimic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mutableMimic/gifts).



> And all the things that you never ever told me  
> And all the smiles that are ever ever  
> Ever  
> Get the feeling that you're never  
> All alone and I remember now  
> At the top of my lungs in my arms he dies  
> He dies

“Stop.” His eyes are clenched shut, his back flat against the door to his lab that’s locked and shut tight. His voice… wavers like vibrato but is closer to breaking and broken glass than to dulcet, “Y-you’re not real. I know that. You’re…”

He opens his eyes, and is greeted with the too-sweet sight he knows all too well and knows he might just… tumble into and never climb out of. The kinda candy apple that’s poisoned, that might crack him through the middle and leave him irreparable (heh, as if he already _isn’t),_

“You’re _dead,_ Mer.”

They don’t look it, though, still as robust and soft and _strong_ as ever, grass green and purple and warmth and he’s only a _little_ bit translucent where he stands in front of him,

And grins. Grins a thing a little too sharp, a little too cutting, but that’s him, that’s the way he _is;_ a shattered mirror that’d catch you, _cut_ you if you reached in, if you got a little too close.

Gakuto thinks he’s the only person that’d ever gotten too close. He’s probably gonna be the only person to see _this_ smile on _this_ ghost and that causes a pang in him he doesn’t know _what_ is, grief, irony, _possessiveness? Fuck!_

“I know.” They step closer, and he _hates_ that while half of him cowers the other half wants to close the distance, “This is… _so_ effed up, innit?”

He chokes out a sob, torso collapsing in on itself for a moment as his hand comes up to cover his mouth. “Just, God, no. _Yes._ Just, stop…”

“Why? If it makes you feel better, right? I care about you.” Their grin goes _sharper,_ cuts up the left side of their face the way it does when what he’s thinking is something dangerous, the way he does when he’s.

When he’s telling the _truth._ When he’s being _ruthless_ about it.

They do, in fact, close the distance, standing just a breath away, and even now with Gakuto’s knees near to buckling he has to stand on his tiptoes to reach,

“If I can still be here… hold you… why not let me? I _meant_ it when I said I’m here for you.”

Their breath ~~if it can be called that~~ is cold in his ear, somehow, and it’s simultaneously better and worse that he can feel it at all but when his lips brush over all he can feel is pressure but _void_ there is nothing _there_ this isn’t _Merlin_ this is -

This is -

“Please,” and he can’t tell if he’s begging him to leave or to stay, “please.”

And. And their smile softens and it’s _almost real_ and it’s _almost Mei_ and it’s like the summer melting away the oil-spill-on-ice- _despair_ in him and. And it’s only for a moment but a moment’s all he needs.

“Of course.” His fingers slip over his cheek, cradle the side of his face while his thumb caresses his cheekbone softly, so softly ~~you can barely even tell he isn’t here, that there is no weight of warmth behind the pressure~~ , “Let me take care of you, love. I’m not leaving you, never.”

And he shouldn’t _care_ if - if he looks _cool_ (what a _joke!)_ in front of this fucking, this fucking string of code impersonating his boyfriend (what _was, once_ his boyfriend), and, and if it was _Merlin_ he wouldn’t care, ~~but its ** _not_**~~ and he. Still. Tries to stifle sniffles, because, because _god_ at least when Mei would tell him what he wanted to hear it always had the _possibility_ of being true but not _this,_ not _now,_ because he’s _already gone_ and this is _so ~~effed~~ fuckedup _and he

_needs_ it.

“Hey, hey, let it out, I’m here,” and he thumbs away a tear just like he used to except it doesn’t _go_ anywhere, because of _course_ it doesn’t, and when it spills over it goes _through_ his hand, and.

But he doesn’t want to _cry_ right now. He’s fucking done enough of it, so, he just…

Puts his hand over theirs, grasps for it ~~it’s… solid enough for him, but he’s too afraid to squeeze~~ , turns his head, presses a kiss to their palm ~~it’s like kissing air~~ ,

And their grin grows _absolutely_ wicked. “Or we can do that, too.”

“You’re gonna have to do most of the work, love. But I can help you along.”

He whimpers at that, knees finally giving out, collapsing to the ground on his knees like a puppet with his strings cut, legs spread, hand going up to cover his eyes because _fuck,_ and, _he shouldn’t be doing this_ and, _what is he **doing** he needs to **stop,**_

“I don’t see what’s so wrong about it,” they follow him down ~~because of fucking _course_ he does~~, hands folded innocently in their lap as they’ve folded themself between his legs. “If, if _I_ say it’s okay, right? You’re just coping. ‘S to be expected.”

“Shut _up,”_ he growls with far more vitriol than he thinks he’s even capable of feeling right now, but Mer just smiles like he’s mewled like a kitten or something, miming zipped lips before running hands up and down his legs like a breeze. There’s weight there ~~there’s weight in _this,_ in this _fucking_ situation he’s found himself in~~, but it’s the gentleness that does him in, really, the way his thumbs catch on the inside his thighs even when there’s nothing there to catch in their whole body, just wisps and void and the memory of a ghost. He bites his lip, reaches for his belt before - freezing, hands just hovering there. He looks up at the ceiling, _anywhere_ but at _them,_ letting the back of his head _slam_ into the door with enough force to _almost_ be satisfying, except he just wants to keep hitting it, to just let himself crack his head open and brain himself on the wood and die here _~~just~~_ ~~like he let _Merlin_ die - Mei is _dead!_ They _trusted_ him!~~

And.

“I - I can’t. I can’t do this, I, I, I _can’t.”_

“Oh, sweetheart…” He can’t see them but they’re pressing their void kisses to his _throat,_ “if I could do it for you right now, I would…” and he’s missing the _point_ but of course he is. Because.

Because Gakuto _wants_ this and they’re in his _head_ and - _and_ \- and their hands are ghosting over his, fingers hooked around his own, and they can’t _move_ him but he… he moves anyway, biting back a whine as he undoes his belt buckle, (as their kisses move up his neck toward his ear, and they barely feel like anything but it’s _something_ and the negative spaces where their lips have touched him turn ice cold as they trail upwards,)

Their hand’s reaching up to cup his face again and for a second he almost doesn’t look down, almost doesn’t dip to reach him, almost doesn’t turn to them like they’re the sun and he’s a starving fucking sunflower or something else stupid and poetic ~~something he would say~~ like that, but. He’s always been weak for him, so he does. Of course he does, and when his eyes are soft and welcoming and warmer than anything he’s felt since they died something in him just… _breaks,_ shatters like so much glass and is that how they felt when they were alive? A breathing pile of broken mirrors that cuts into whatever’s soft in there?

~~But then when he reaches up to kiss him like everything’s okay, like he’s really here, he’s not sure he has the strength to make himself remember that he _isn’t_ anymore, that he never _will be,_ and somehow he still feels guilty and bad and wrong when his hand slips down his pants,~~

“M-Mer- _Mei,_ please, I need you,”

“You have me, love. For right now, you have me.”

And, and for a while, he almost does, as Merlin becomes a comforting weight draped over him ~~it’s not heavy enough to really be him~~ as he rides waves of pleasure ~~god they would hate that why is he thinking it~~ , lips bitten close to bleeding as he rubs gentle circles into himself, fingers himself open as breathy, gasping whimpers press past his teeth into the lonely, empty air of his lab.

Because _god_ he is so alone. He is so _alone._

_~~So pathetic...~~ _

“Shh, shhh, I’m right here, hon, I have you. I have you.”

He closes his eyes, he can’t look at them right now, can’t watch them - can’t watch them _watch him_ like this, can’t see them like a clouded windowpane, and maybe that was the wrong decision because he has no warning when their hand _joins his own,_ when ice starts trailing down his jawline again, when those soft glacial-afterimage lips meet his again and he can’t help but moan into him, ~~the wave is _cresting_~~ he can’t, _he can’t-_

…And then he’s slowly slipping to the surface of the murky, fuzzy thoughts that come with a near-blackout. And he _swears_ he can still hear their voice, still, still hear him _singing_ into his addled brain sweetly, but he’s gone again. Faded in the nonexistent winds of this hellhole, faded away to black like the sleeping computer screensaver that he _is_ now, but the words, the lyrics sink into him and take root _anyway,_ sugared droplets of poison that he can’t help but listen to, can’t help but grasp at every syllable of (what if it’s the last time he hears them for real this time, for _forever_ this time, what if it’s the only time he gets to hear him sing not through speakers, through _headphones?)_

_So he said, "Would it be all right_

_If we just sat and talked for a little while_

_If in exchange for your time_

_I give you this smile?"_

_So he said, "That's OK_

_As long as you can make a promise_

_Not to break my little heart_

_Or leave me all alone in the summer."_

…He needs to get _out_ of here. Grimacing, he pulls out of himself, and he barely even has the strength to stand, to fucking buckle his belt back up before he stumbles out of the room, escaping to… fuck, he doesn’t know, his cabin? Where else does he have to _go?_ There’s nothing and nowhere here for him, he just… fuck. _Fuck!_

He heads toward the stairs, but. But.

But…

But instead he pushes through the door just across the hall, gags at the smell in here as he staggers through, scanning names of kids dead too soon until he reaches,

**Merlin Chun | 春梅林**

And for the second time today he just… collapses, rests his head on the cool metal door as he shakes, ~~lets it mask the fact that his lips still burn icy~~. And lets the sobs overtake him, ‘cuz he…

He never learned to cry pretty. What’s the fuckin’ point of that, right? But hey, it’s… at least it’s…

He never has to worry about Mei seeing it ever again, now.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” He starts out through gasps and hiccups and the chest-seizing _pain,_ “I’m - I’m so sorry, you deserved - so much better, and,” He sniffles thickly. “And you said you wouldn’t leave, and I knew you were lying, jus’ trying to make me feel better and all, but… _god_ I just wish your ghost wouldn’t say it too…”

And the tears dry out, eventually, though it takes a while ~~even though it’s unfair, he thinks he should have enough saltwater to at least fill the seas they were from~~ , and. And then.

There’s no reprieve, there’s never any reprieve. They’re dead and in the cooler in front of him but his mind is ripe for picking it seems and his body not much different ~~Christ he should-shouldn’t chase the direction they went~~ , but gentle tones chime through his skull, reverberating like bells as he claps his hands over his ears.

_Your wish’s my command, babe, but honestly?_

_I only ever say_ just _what you want to hear._

**Author's Note:**

> At the end of the world  
> Or the last thing I see  
> You are  
> Never coming home  
> Could I  
> Should I


End file.
